Pacificmelody's Blog

I've got the computer keys to the kingdom!

A Hard Place

8 Comments

For those of you who are interested, I am perfectly satisfied with the size of my male member since, in my case, the male member could refer to either of my two cats. I can with all honesty say I wouldn’t want either of them to be any larger. Would that there were some way to share this information with the rest of the world, so that I would no longer be besieged with offers to increase my size and/or performance. I am no longer the size I once was, but nor do I want to be any bigger, and it is my nature always to turn in the best performance of which I’m capable, no matter what the situation.

You’d think that my very feminine name might suggest, even to these mental midgets, that offers of cheap Viagra, or introductory deals on ExtenZe, might fall on unresponsive ears. Norton has cut the porn emails to zero, but I’m not sure how to block this type of misdirected advertising. Cialis, of the bathtub-in-the-woods commercials, continues to remind me that their product can help me to be ready “whenever the moment is right”. As I recall, before prescription drugs became so readily available, there used to be a pretty hard-to-ignore signal that said it all. “I’m breathing, you’re breathing…the moment is right!” Forgive me for being skeptical about taking advice or medication from a company that depicts the people who use their product ending up naked in the woods in separate cold porcelain bathtubs. I’m not an engineer, but I can tell you when something’s not going to work. If anyone can help me resolve this perplexing issue, it would be appreciated.

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Author: Melody J Haislip

I'm either a transplanted East Coaster or a born again West Coaster. My heart kept pulling me toward Oregon, and when I followed it I found my dream, which I am living daily. My dream of becoming a writer has come true as well. I am in the company of people who speak my language, and the sense of community is healing hurts I didn't know were there. I am very grateful for my enormous good fortune.

8 thoughts on “A Hard Place

  1. I too, am very satisfied with my “Male Member”, and I’ll tell him so as soon as he gets home. Ha. Good and humorous fun article. 😀

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  2. We tried one of those a few years ago. It didn’t work on command; but the following day, when Lorrie was twenty miles away, it kicked in,nearly causing me to get the thing stuck in an elevator door.

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    • Alan, I knew you would have that extra little ounce of appreciation for this story. You’re one of the funniest people I know. Also, I’m happy to report that this morning I had three times the usual number of this type of email!

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    • Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh Alan, I cannot imagine how this felt were you wearing a suit and tie. So funny.

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  3. Hilarious post, Melody!

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  4. Very funny. but I have the same problem, and I have practical suggestions. I know you can do this on YouTube, but I haven’t used my wordpress blog since forever. You can select the kind of advertising you want.
    It doesn’t mean, however, that you won’t get “profiled.” Because of the music I listen to on YouTube (I’ve found some classical & opera, but it usually is ripped away,) they have classified me as a teenage boy. Lots of adds for games, lots of boobs, and “Hot babes that want to talk to you….for free!” *for first 2 minutes. After 2 minutes, the standard few is 4.99 per minute.”
    Hope that helps. Very amusing post, I must say! Sweet tides, Linda P.S. I am following you via feed now, along with anyone that comes to my blog.

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  5. Is this what I’ve been missing? Sign me up!!!

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  6. @Bill Friday. Welcome, and thanks for stopping by. We don’t want you to miss anything!

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