Apparently even famous writers are susceptible to the whims of fame.
Wednesday, February 2, 1840. This just in: Paparazzi, who have been staking out the Elizabeth Fordyce Clinic for Troublesome Young Women in the hope of catching a glimpse of Snooki Brontë, were rewarded by the sight of a cloaked and hooded figure being ushered away from the clinic by her publisher. Since this is in direct violation of the judge’s orders, her freedom can probably be counted in hours. It is expected that Snooki will make the most of her time on the loose. The trip from the front door of the facility to her carriage was marred by several stumbles, but she recovered and was able to make it up the steps with the aid of her maid, who had accompanied her into rehab.
Friends, who had arranged an intervention for Snooki and pleaded with her to seek help, could not be reached for comment. One unidentified source, upon being promised anonymity, said that Snooki had been “A real handful. Always after her visitors to supply her with smuggled smelling salts and begging sips from their flasks. And she could turn really ugly if denied her little ‘treats’.” Efforts to gain further information have been thwarted by clinic personnel, although another inmate was heard to mutter, “Good riddance to the little witch,” or at least that’s what we think he said.
Obviously Snooki had done little to endear herself to her fellow sufferers, who were pretty tired of hearing about “Jane Eyre” this and “Jane Eyre” that. “Resting on her laurels is what she is,” was the opinion of another. “She hasn’t written a word in years and may never again. Just lucky that folks liked it. It was a scandalous book!”
Well, we’re off to the clubs where Snooki can most likely be found, perhaps doing an intimate gavotte with one of her low companions. We’re certain there will be ankles aplenty on view once she starts on the Madeira. Stay tuned for further up-to-the-moment bulletins as Snooki riots through London once more!
- Jane Eyre Trailer is a Dark and Moody Classic (screenrant.com)
- COLD SHOULDER: Snooki snubs Chuck Schumer (politico.com)