Pacificmelody's Blog

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If You Go Down In The Woods Today (a work of fiction)

Into the Faerie Kingdom

Into the Faerie Kingdom

I stood at the edge of the path into the deep woods and listened. Would I hear the Faery speak again today? I remembered the first time, four months after my small daughter’s death. Those words are still so hard for me to say, let alone to believe. One moment she was alive and well, smiling and happy, giggling over nothing. Then suddenly she turned pale. As I took her in my arms, she touched her chest and said, “Mommy, I feel funny.” Then she closed her eyes and was gone. They said it was her heart, but they were wrong. It was my heart that broke and died that day. I have relived that scene a thousand times, and still she is gone and I am here, alone

The day of which I speak I was walking aimlessly through the woods, thinking of nothing. Numb, as I had been the day before and the day before that. From out of nowhere I was overtaken by a wave of sadness so vast I thought, “This will be the one. This one will take me under once and for all, and the agony will be over.” I sank down on a moss-upholstered log, leaned forward and put my face in my hands, the longing for my little girl too intense to bear.

How long I sat there, willing myself to die, I will never know. Then I felt a small hand patting my shoulder, softly and comfortingly, and a sweet voice whispered, “We’re so sorry about your little girl. But please don’t weep so, it makes her sad to hear you. She cannot speak to you, but she is fretting so over you that she cannot go on to fulfill her destiny. You must let her go.” This last was said rather sternly, and when I opened tear-drenched eyes, I found myself face-to-face with a small, winged being who could only be one of the Faery Realm.

Her gaze combined kindness and compassion with a glint of steel, and for the first time in a long time I felt a spark of interest flare, something had penetrated the fog of despair in which I had been trapped. “Can you see her, speak to her? Will you tell her I love her, miss her, every moment of every day?” “Your daughter knows all of this,” was the calm reply, “but she also feels the depth and intensity of your grief and they bind her to you when she would move on. You know this is true. You must accept it and free her spirit to its joyous destiny. Believe and dare to let go, and your dearest wish will be granted. Now go from here and think of all you have seen and heard. When you are ready, come back to this place and I will be here.” There was a brilliant flash of light and she was gone.

All of this is what has led me here today, to my rendezvous with the impossible, and I am ready. “Belle, my darling, forgive me for clinging onto you as if I thought this life were all. I release you and I set you free. You will be in my heart always.” As I spoke these words, a path of light was illuminated into the deepest, golden heart of the forest, and the Faery with whom I had spoken appeared and smiled her approval. She held out a tiny hand to me and spoke. “Because of your great love and unselfish act, I have been empowered to offer you shelter in the Faery Realm, until it is time for you to join your daughter once more. There you will know peace and a kind of happiness, and your days will pass quickly.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “I will return for your answer in three days”, and once again she vanished.

My decision is made. If you are reading this note I have left, I am already gone, into the Faery Realm, into peace and forgetfulness. Farewell. Remember me with kindness.

(Originally published on April 19, 2010)


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Twenty-Five Things About Me

hd-wallpapers-fantasy-unicorn-ipad-wallpaper-800x600-wallpaper• I used to be 5’2” but I’ve lost an inch (and don’t know where it went)
• There is No truth to the rumor about my affair with George Clooney (if you ask him, he’ll say the same)
• I’m ineligible to ride a Unicorn (if they ever find one)
• I’ve been to Zandvoort in The Netherlands (the one by the North Sea, y’all)
• My sense of humor has gotten me into hot water (go figure)
• I refuse to have a cell phone (need I explain?)
• I went on a jewelry-making kick for a while but gave it all away
• I have never met, but hope I will, the Dalai Lama and Dr. Stephen Hawking
• Sir Patrick Stewart has never asked me to marry him [sigh] Lady Melody Stewart, is that so much to ask?
• When I was 20, very drunk and with friends at the New York World’s Fair, I kissed a cobra
• When I was 14, I was on a quiz show called, Haggis Baggis, that aired briefly on NBC. I was the big winner that day.
• I’ve been to Paris five times (but I’ve Never Been To Me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFqvU775B90)
• My favorite color is sky-blue pink (think about it)
• I believe in the innate goodness of my fellow beings (even if it can only be found with a headlamp and a pickaxe)
• I once heard myself say to my small son, “Honey, you cannot eat your cereal with your spoon after you kill a fly with it.”
• Music, dance and babies, all have made me cry at the beauty of their existence
• I won’t eat bananas, oatmeal, sweet potatoes or sushi
• I am constitutionally unable to drive stick (independent research has shown this to be true)
• I learned a short-cut diet secret years ago – the calories only count for half when you eat standing up
• I’m very glad my sister kept encouraging me to blog and write
• I took a short computerized test yesterday and found I use the two sides of my brain equally
• I would tell you my two biggest fears … but then I’d have to kill you all
• I have had dreams where I could fly (but not in a very long time)
• Although I have no head for heights I want to take a hot air balloon ride (I know!)


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The Observer

Rhorschach test.

Rorschach test.

The tears fall down her cheeks
In groups of twos and threes ~
Like Rorschach patterns of
Dark droplets ~ spattered starkly
On her scarlet satin blouse ~

She doesn’t know I’m watching
And her guard is down ~
I’ve never seen this side
Of her before ~ she’s
Never seemed so fragile ~
Or so very real ~

And as I watch I see
Her shoulders straighten ~
And her posture change ~
From somewhere deep inside
New strength pours in ~

I’ve heard the rumors ~
Though I know I’ll never
Know the truth ~
But one thing that I know ~

Some loves will not
Let go ~ some ties
Cannot be broken and
Some hurts will
Truly never heal ~
And I see all the signs ~