Pacificmelody's Blog

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This Is Not Over


My Armor No Protection

My Armor No Protection

In the background Riccardo
Cocciante sings “Per Lei” ~
And it moves me to the depths
Of my soul as it always does ~
Cool and deep and running
Like a river of emotion ~

I am lulled and utterly defenseless ~
As pain ~ sharp as any dagger ~
Slips between my ribs ~ piercing
To the very heart of me ~ my
Armor no protection against
Its passionate assault ~ and
Even though you are not here ~
I am helpless before you again ~
As I was last time we met ~

Why do I torture myself this way ~
Building the pain till I almost
Burst ~ knowing that I cannot cry ~
Why do I court Death so avidly ~

Do I seek to destroy the heart
Whose loyalty you used against me ~
It should be you that I destroy ~
But I your victim cannot bring
Myself to be my own avenger ~
Because I love you still ~
Against my better judgment
And with no care for safety ~

I am a fool and you know how
To use me ~ Damn your eyes! ~

(Listen to Per Lei @

Author: Melody J Haislip

I'm either a transplanted East Coaster or a born again West Coaster. My heart kept pulling me toward Oregon, and when I followed it I found my dream, which I am living daily. My dream of becoming a writer has come true as well. I am in the company of people who speak my language, and the sense of community is healing hurts I didn't know were there. I am very grateful for my enormous good fortune.

13 thoughts on “This Is Not Over

  1. Do you want to say who you’re referring to? Jill You are a good writer!


  2. Jill, I was actually channeling this one, and I’ll tell you this. Someone is seriously angry still. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.


  3. Melody, I gotta tell you:

    Joy is a flight risk. It posts bond and flees, knowing even the most dedicated bounty hunter cannot drag it back.

    Pain of soul and body, on the other hand, is a most willing, faithful partner, in life and in death.

    Decry it, abuse it, say you do not want it (and you certainly do not love it), yet it looks at you and stays.

    It knows you better than you know yourself, and knows you are weak against that old, familiar feeling.

    Joy eludes, but Pain is always waiting; a balm against an existential crisis.

    “I hurt, therefore I am.”




    • Suze, you silver-tongued angel you. I’ve never had anyone answer a poem with a letter before. I love it! Thank you for responding with such beauty.


  4. very beautiful poetry full of emotions and feelings succeeded very well done


  5. Being in love against all logic and finding oneself a victim of the user is a sad fate. Even harder is acknowledging this, because it takes great heart to extract oneself from the talons of love. I’ve been there and done that. Hugs!


    • Theresa, I think it’s a matter of loving oneself enough not to be a victim. No easy matter, that. Hugs to you!


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