Pacificmelody's Blog

I've got the computer keys to the kingdom!


Spoiler Alert! Raw Grief Ahead

Your space in the Universe CHtOPOoWsAABFUs

They are burning his
Beautiful body today ~

The fact that he is gone
And no longer using it ~
And that it was his wish ~
Does nothing to blur
The pain of knowing ~ that
I will never touch him again ~

Never hear that familiar
Laugh ~ or see him flash
That irresistible grin ~
All that bright beauty ~
Reduced to bits of
Bone and ash ~

His voice is quieted ~
His generous heart
And hands are stilled ~
A part of me rejoices
At his transition ~ his
Graduation to the big time ~

But part of me cannot
Believe he’s gone ~
I am bereft that I must live
In a world without him ~

And while I fight my way
Through to acceptance ~
I pray for strength
To carry on ~

(In loving memory of a truly remarkable and unforgettable friend, gone too soon)


Leave a comment

At the Pleasure of the King

Related image

The chill of
The early morning air
Is a shock to my senses ~
After the warmth
Of the day before ~

The mist is rising
Slowly ~ into the
Leafy canopy above ~
The trees murmur quietly
Among themselves ~
While underneath
Their stern impartiality
And sheltering branches ~
The futures of nations
Are decided ~

As are our own fates
It would appear ~
Swept up in the
Wake of this long
And bloody war ~
Whether we will it
Or no ~

For kings decree ~
And knights will
Fight ~ and yeomen
Die ~ and peasants
And their crops
Will be safe
From none ~

And I will lose my
Beauty ~ and you
Your youth ~ and maybe
A limb or an eye ~
[God save the King!] ~

And Gods keep the
Kings ~ and all their
Princes ~
Far away from us ~

For mortal men enmesh
Themselves in the affairs
Of Kings ~ at mortal peril
To their safety and their
Peace of mind ~

(Originally published July 24, 2013)




We do not weep at the death
Of Caterpillar ~
Spinning his tiny shroud
With calm acceptance ~
Knowing ~ as apparently
We do not ~
It is not death that waits ~
Merely the transition
To Butterfly ~

I hope that ~
Should I die before you ~
And drop in
From time to time ~
That you should not
Reject or fear me ~
For surely only love
And beauty come ~
From Butterfly ~



Oh, my nights …

I see it all so differently
Everything has changed
I am more aware
Than I have ever been
And the truth that
I have always known
Is truthful still
It is my understanding
That has been transmuted

I am more at home in
My own skin
More attuned to
My surroundings
I will never be alone again
Not that I ever really was

But now I hear the hum
Of the universe that underlies
The reality of my life
The music of the planets
Forms the backdrop
Of my days, and my nights,

Oh, my nights
Are filled with stars!


What Brings Me Joy

rhododendron blossomBurn bright oh blessed light of day ~
Who chases all the foolish
Fears of night away ~

It dazzles me sometimes
The beauty of all life
That you reveal ~
Especially in springtime ~

The tender green
The freshness of it all ~
The dawning of renewed hope ~

The sheer perfection
Of one single floweret
From a rhododendron blossom ~
Out of all the blossoms
In the Universe ~
Simply rocks my senses ~
And brings me
Close to tears of joy ~

These are the moments that
I live for ~


Beauty and Madness


I’ve opened my heart and the words are flowing flowing in time to the desperate beauty of the music and the night and the utter inevitability of it all meeting you here loving you losing you how could I tell it was our one and only chance out of all time to find each other but I won’t accept it can’t believe it it must be a nightmare from which I’ll awaken and soon oh god I can’t bear the loss the pain the terror of never holding you again of never feeling that soul-deep connection only you and I achieved out of a night more wondrous than all the other nights before in a world with everything to offer and nothing to be gained without you my thoughts are in a constant whirl and the earth moves in small tremors underneath my feet I’ve heard of losing your mind and I wonder if this is how it feels and then I pull myself together and look for a plan any plan any motion anything but nothing at all I can’t slow down long enough for the pain to catch me must outrun it stay ahead of the fear and the panic hold onto my wits for someday I’ll need them again have to find you can’t stop running can’t stop thinking where would I go if I were the most wonderful person in the world on the run from me and again my mind whirs and the numbers fly by and no conclusion is reached I check my phone again no missed calls no messages no hope no time to think no hope keep my spirits up keep on thinking don’t stop moving go to every place we’ve ever been call all your friends and mine put in a missing persons report no it’s too soon or too late I can no longer tell can you hear me can you feel me can you feel my pain and regret and the heavy heart that carries the burden of my stupidity and loss and pain I will find you again I will there is that your face your hair your car your walk no just another stranger gaping at my mad behavior and on and on I go and every face I search belongs to someone not you and still I will search and I will find you hear me call you hear my call hear my cries feel my love which is stronger than my silly brain forgive me and forget my sins and take me back and it will be as once it was between us as pure and innocent and perfect as the dawn and we will be together forever Oh come back come back take me back don’t you know how much I love you there are are there you are is it a mirage or are you really there I’m melting no I’m fainting no I’m saved by you.

(Originally published August 7, 2011.)


Dream of Tree

11bad7675febd6b027627f43965ce2f9 Woman to Tree

When I am close to dying
I will go and stand
In the forest

I will put down roots
As I watch the mossy green
Begin to trace its way
From toe tips to ankles
And higher
Though I still do not know
Which way is North

As my skin begins
To harden ‘neath
The sun and rain and
Stormy winds
My arms and fingers
Long have gone for
Limbs and twigs

In Spring they will sprout
With blossoms
Then with tender leaves
They will bear within their
Sheltering branches nests
Full of beauty and of song

Just so might I stand
For centuries
Or perish from a single
Stroke of lightening
In a single night

But either way
I will have lived my dream