Pacificmelody's Blog

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Love Story

 

wallpaper-830417_960_720 the space you inhabitYou draw my eye ~ whenever
You enter a room ~
Your grace and the very
Shape and the size of the
Presence you inhabit in the Universe ~
Are so unique that I would know you
Anywhere ~

Whenever I think of you ~
I think of love on the grand scale ~
As if you and I were meant
To have a mighty impact
In the scheme of life ~
I find it hard to think of us
In any other way
And yet ~

While I was filling up those rooms
Inside my head ~ with memories
Of magic and shared ardor ~
You have been always ~ the
Calm and steady core at the
Heart of my existence ~ without
Whom I’d have shattered
Long ago ~

Here in this reality ~
You have tethered me to Earth ~
And I have shared with you my stars ~
Can you even begin to imagine
What comes next ~

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Elegy For My Soul

dream_by_taenaron-d34q599 I Will Find You

Don’t you hear the music
I can hear it playing
Running through my mind
A million miles an hour

The air is full of flowers
The kind that bloom at night
In warm and sultry climates
In lush profusion

And then of course
The memories come calling
It is my curse
That I cannot forget

It is my blessing
That once I truly had you
As I will always have you
Here inside my heart

And though we’d parted ways
And though the years
Were spent apart with
Contact at a minimum

Still news of your death
Struck me like a sword blow
I’ve never felt such pain
I did not even comprehend

That pain on such a level
Was anything but myth
I had grieved before
But not like this

Not like this

For still you are in
My blood my bone
My heart my very soul
And I am yours
Until the day I die

Until the day I die


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The Hardest Lesson

1258315396469090.jpeg mourningA wave of love and
Longing washes over me ~
It’s been so long
Since last I held you
In my arms ~

My world ended
In a moment ~
But that moment
Has gone on forever ~
Though you have not ~

We speak of death
As if it were an entity ~
It is not kind or cruel
As the case may be ~
But only the cessation ~
Of this phase of life ~

The breath is stilled
The heart will beat no more ~
The fleshly envelope
Has given up its
Animating spirit ~

One learns to speak of the
Beloved in the past tense ~
But is it right to say
I ‘loved’ him ~ when I
Love him still ~

The busywork of death
Can be distracting ~
But ritual can take you
Just so far ~

I’ve had to learn
To live without you ~
I’m learning still ~


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Is It Biology?

seductive-eyes

Perhaps the craving
That I feel for you
Is simply Nature’s way ~
Of making certain
That the human race
Continues ~

As for myself
I have my doubts ~

The raw desire that
Floods my every cell ~
And all the molecules of
Which I am comprised ~
Has naught to do
With science ~ and
All to do with lust ~

So I’ve an itch that
You can scratch ~
If you’ve a mind to ~
Let’s keep it simple
Shall we now ~
No promises
No long goodbyes ~

And we will drink
To one another ~
When we remember ~


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Another Sunset

smearedsky05I watch the sunset
Rage across the sky ~
The colors flare and flame
Then fade and vanish ~
Underneath the cloak
Of the advancing night ~

Don’t say that this is
Just another sunset ~
There’s no such thing ~
Each one is perfect
And utterly unique ~
Residing in a special
Place within my heart ~

And when my time comes ~
As of course it will ~
These are the memories
That will flash
Before my eyes ~


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The Cruelest Time

This Woman

This Woman

So much Death!
So many endings ~
Too much pain
To keep inside ~

This is the hardest
Time of the year ~
When the sun seems
Powerless ~ against
The early darkness
And the brutal cold ~

The memories
Press down upon me ~
The wind is fierce ~ and
Its chill seeks out
The marrow of my bones
To make its home ~

And you are many years
And many miles ago ~
Another lifetime in a
Different place ~ and
I am a different woman ~

But this woman
Loves you too ~


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If You Go Down In The Woods Today (a work of fiction)

Into the Faerie Kingdom

Into the Faerie Kingdom

I stood at the edge of the path into the deep woods and listened. Would I hear the Faery speak again today? I remembered the first time, four months after my small daughter’s death. Those words are still so hard for me to say, let alone to believe. One moment she was alive and well, smiling and happy, giggling over nothing. Then suddenly she turned pale. As I took her in my arms, she touched her chest and said, “Mommy, I feel funny.” Then she closed her eyes and was gone. They said it was her heart, but they were wrong. It was my heart that broke and died that day. I have relived that scene a thousand times, and still she is gone and I am here, alone

The day of which I speak I was walking aimlessly through the woods, thinking of nothing. Numb, as I had been the day before and the day before that. From out of nowhere I was overtaken by a wave of sadness so vast I thought, “This will be the one. This one will take me under once and for all, and the agony will be over.” I sank down on a moss-upholstered log, leaned forward and put my face in my hands, the longing for my little girl too intense to bear.

How long I sat there, willing myself to die, I will never know. Then I felt a small hand patting my shoulder, softly and comfortingly, and a sweet voice whispered, “We’re so sorry about your little girl. But please don’t weep so, it makes her sad to hear you. She cannot speak to you, but she is fretting so over you that she cannot go on to fulfill her destiny. You must let her go.” This last was said rather sternly, and when I opened tear-drenched eyes, I found myself face-to-face with a small, winged being who could only be one of the Faery Realm.

Her gaze combined kindness and compassion with a glint of steel, and for the first time in a long time I felt a spark of interest flare, something had penetrated the fog of despair in which I had been trapped. “Can you see her, speak to her? Will you tell her I love her, miss her, every moment of every day?” “Your daughter knows all of this,” was the calm reply, “but she also feels the depth and intensity of your grief and they bind her to you when she would move on. You know this is true. You must accept it and free her spirit to its joyous destiny. Believe and dare to let go, and your dearest wish will be granted. Now go from here and think of all you have seen and heard. When you are ready, come back to this place and I will be here.” There was a brilliant flash of light and she was gone.

All of this is what has led me here today, to my rendezvous with the impossible, and I am ready. “Belle, my darling, forgive me for clinging onto you as if I thought this life were all. I release you and I set you free. You will be in my heart always.” As I spoke these words, a path of light was illuminated into the deepest, golden heart of the forest, and the Faery with whom I had spoken appeared and smiled her approval. She held out a tiny hand to me and spoke. “Because of your great love and unselfish act, I have been empowered to offer you shelter in the Faery Realm, until it is time for you to join your daughter once more. There you will know peace and a kind of happiness, and your days will pass quickly.” She paused for a moment, then continued, “I will return for your answer in three days”, and once again she vanished.

My decision is made. If you are reading this note I have left, I am already gone, into the Faery Realm, into peace and forgetfulness. Farewell. Remember me with kindness.

(Originally published on April 19, 2010)