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Spoiler Alert! Raw Grief Ahead

Your space in the Universe CHtOPOoWsAABFUs

They are burning his
Beautiful body today ~

The fact that he is gone
And no longer using it ~
And that it was his wish ~
Does nothing to blur
The pain of knowing ~ that
I will never touch him again ~

Never hear that familiar
Laugh ~ or see him flash
That irresistible grin ~
All that bright beauty ~
Reduced to bits of
Bone and ash ~

His voice is quieted ~
His generous heart
And hands are stilled ~
A part of me rejoices
At his transition ~ his
Graduation to the big time ~

But part of me cannot
Believe he’s gone ~
I am bereft that I must live
In a world without him ~

And while I fight my way
Through to acceptance ~
I pray for strength
To carry on ~

(In loving memory of a truly remarkable and unforgettable friend, gone too soon)



The Final Act

space fantasy. star

I’ve heard it said that ~
In the end ~ all death is suicide ~
I didn’t understand then ~
But now perhaps
I begin to comprehend ~

How the pull of where one is ~
Can grow less potent than
The urgent call of where
One wants to be ~
How curiosity can beckon ~

This was never meant
To be forever ~
The spirit cannot be contained
Within this fragile flesh ~
For more than our
Brief moment in the
Flow of time ~

I’m looking forward
to the big adventure ~
Though I confess to
Trepidation ~ when it
Comes to passing
Through the door ~

I guess I’ll see ~


Come the Dawn

Come the dawn 13147329._SY540_

I hear them talk about me
As they wish me to ~
They stand beneath the
Window of my cell ~ and
Endlessly discuss the fate
I go to meet tomorrow ~

I hear the sound of laughter ~
False as a traitor’s lie ~
And I know that they’re
All afraid of me ~
A woman ~ small and
Powerless ~ facing my doom
In just a few short hours’ time ~

They fear and hate me ~
Because I did
What they could not ~
And now for revenge ~
They may do with me
What they will ~ I do not care ~
But this was an evil man ~
Who will not do
Another wrong ~
And I have no regrets ~

I am content to know ~
The single hope I have
Lies in your hands ~
I know that death alone
Would keep you
From my side ~
And so I wait ~

Only the dawn will tell ~


Dream of Tree

11bad7675febd6b027627f43965ce2f9 Woman to Tree

When I am close to dying
I will go and stand
In the forest

I will put down roots
As I watch the mossy green
Begin to trace its way
From toe tips to ankles
And higher
Though I still do not know
Which way is North

As my skin begins
To harden ‘neath
The sun and rain and
Stormy winds
My arms and fingers
Long have gone for
Limbs and twigs

In Spring they will sprout
With blossoms
Then with tender leaves
They will bear within their
Sheltering branches nests
Full of beauty and of song

Just so might I stand
For centuries
Or perish from a single
Stroke of lightening
In a single night

But either way
I will have lived my dream


In The Midst Of Life

6a01156f4fdb93970c0120a51efcb5970c ambulance










The siren startles me
From my aimless thoughts ~
I watch the ambulance
Jockey for position
At the crowded intersection ~
And I think of the
Anxious hearts awaiting
Its arrival ~ straining
To hear the first notes
Of its wailing cry ~
Counting down the
Life of a loved one
In agonizing seconds ~
Storming heaven with
A mix of threats and
Pitiful entreaty ~
Making deals they would
Have scorned just
Moments prior ~
So much resting on
The swift arrival of this
Vehicle of mercy ~
Will it be in time … ?


The Hardest Lesson

1258315396469090.jpeg mourningA wave of love and
Longing washes over me ~
It’s been so long
Since last I held you
In my arms ~

My world ended
In a moment ~
But that moment
Has gone on forever ~
Though you have not ~

We speak of death
As if it were an entity ~
It is not kind or cruel
As the case may be ~
But only the cessation ~
Of this phase of life ~

The breath is stilled
The heart will beat no more ~
The fleshly envelope
Has given up its
Animating spirit ~

One learns to speak of the
Beloved in the past tense ~
But is it right to say
I ‘loved’ him ~ when I
Love him still ~

The busywork of death
Can be distracting ~
But ritual can take you
Just so far ~

I’ve had to learn
To live without you ~
I’m learning still ~


This Is Not Over

My Armor No Protection

My Armor No Protection

In the background Riccardo
Cocciante sings “Per Lei” ~
And it moves me to the depths
Of my soul as it always does ~
Cool and deep and running
Like a river of emotion ~

I am lulled and utterly defenseless ~
As pain ~ sharp as any dagger ~
Slips between my ribs ~ piercing
To the very heart of me ~ my
Armor no protection against
Its passionate assault ~ and
Even though you are not here ~
I am helpless before you again ~
As I was last time we met ~

Why do I torture myself this way ~
Building the pain till I almost
Burst ~ knowing that I cannot cry ~
Why do I court Death so avidly ~

Do I seek to destroy the heart
Whose loyalty you used against me ~
It should be you that I destroy ~
But I your victim cannot bring
Myself to be my own avenger ~
Because I love you still ~
Against my better judgment
And with no care for safety ~

I am a fool and you know how
To use me ~ Damn your eyes! ~

(Listen to Per Lei @