Unfair

You see me and you smile
And just for one brief moment
It feels the same ~ until
I see the faint touch of
Confusion begin to form
Behind your lovely eyes

It’s clear you know me though
You can’t remember how and
I trap the tears inside my heart
But as I stand here hugging
You hello I realize I’m also
Kissing you goodbye

And I am angry on your behalf
And I am frightened too
And I am lost without you
We’ve been close friends for
All these years ~ so many
Secrets ~ so much love and trust

Your body has betrayed you
Blocking the signals from
Reaching your brain and making
You search for the words
You want to say ~ you who were
Always so quick with your tongue

And I am helpless before the
Enemy attacking you from within
But this is only the beginning
I have just begun to fight and
I have powerful allies waiting
To join me in this battle

The Broken Place

Once trust has been destroyed ~
Can it be ~ as Ernest Hemingway
Has famously said ~ “strong
At the broken place” ~ or will
It remain shattered ~ and too
Fragile to believe in any more ~

We were happy ~ or so I
Thought ~ the perfect couple ~
One for the ages and the
Envy of our friends ~ until
I was blindsided by your
Sudden announcement that ~

You needed space ~ and time ~
To be yourself ~ to be by
Yourself ~ and that you were
Leaving me and our child to
Flounder ~ in an unaccustomed
And unwanted abandonment ~

You had your plans all made ~
A new apartment to be paid for ~
With money you had hidden
From me and lied to me about ~
Which makes me wonder if
I ever even knew you at all ~

And what can I tell our newly
Teenaged daughter ~ who needs
Her father as she never has
Before ~ how can I convince
Her you still love her ~ and that
Not all men will act this way ~

I am bewildered and lost ~ and
So far beyond feeling hurt
I would need a new word to
Describe it ~ but for our daughter ~
An innocent victim ~ I must be the
Strong place that was broken ~

Sea Change

She reached out and brushed
A small piece of lint from your lapel ~
And you gave her the intimate smile
You used to save for me alone ~

I glanced at her husband ~ but
I could tell the moment ~ had
Totally escaped his notice ~
His arm around her waist ~ a fond
And trusting look upon his face ~

We stood there as we had
So many times before ~ two
Couples ~ four friends ~ but
Suddenly everything had changed ~

The question is what will I do now ~
How shall I react the next time ~
You reach for me in the night ~

Knowing you are thinking of her
How can I bear it ~ how can
I not ~ for no matter where your
Heart has strayed I love you still ~

I could confront you ~ extract a
Promise which I believe you’d keep ~
But knowing that you yearned
For her would be as painful
As the actual affair ~ and you
Seem happy loving both of us ~

I lie there sleepless ~ staring at
The ceiling ~ as I begin the long
And painful journey that is
Now my life ~

Amid the Ruins

I followed you last night ~
But in your feverish rush ~
You didn’t even notice ~
The taxi that kept pace
With yours ~

I’ve known for some time now ~
That all those late night
Business meetings you just
Had to be there for ~ were
No such thing ~

And when I saw you use your
Latchkey on her door ~ I knew
That I had lost ~ and I wept as
I watched her throw herself
Into your arms ~

I wonder if she knows about me ~
I wonder if she cares ~ or if
She is blinded by passion ~ as
You seem to be ~ so heedless
In your cruelty ~

It breaks my heart ~ but I must
Take action to protect myself
And our dear children ~ whom
You seem to have forgotten
In her arms ~

But when the ugliness is over
And we can speak again ~
Perhaps you will be able to
Explain to me ~ how loving her
Destroyed your love for me ~

The Belle of the Ball

Annabelle was the gayest
I’ve ever seen her ~
Gliding across the floor
In the arms of
Her latest suitor ~
Gazing into his eyes ~
Giving every
Appearance of having
A wonderful time ~

And even though
It was the wedding
Reception for her
Best friend ~ who had just
Wed her former fiancé ~
You would never
Have known it ~

Even when the happy
Couple drove away on
Their honeymoon journey ~
She continued to dance
And laugh ~ until the
Last guests began to leave ~

Which is why we
Were all so surprised ~
When she went home
And drank a glass
Of poisoned wine ~

The note she left said only ~
Forgive me ~

In the Wee Small Hours

The minutes tick by
But I don’t believe
The hands of the clock
Have moved at all

The night is still
The fire is banked
Even the house has
Settled for the night
The only thing that’s
Missing now is you

The phone rings
Shattering the silence
I know that ring tone
And I know you
Won’t be home tonight

I wonder how
You’ll feel
When I don’t
Pick up your call
I find that really
I don’t even care

And by the way
You’ll find your key
No longer will
Unlock my door

Your bags are packed
And lying in the drive
Along with every gift
You ever gave me
Perhaps your new
Inamorata
Will take you in

I know you won’t
Believe me
But I’m over you
The flame that
Burnt so brightly
Once
Has flickered
And gone out

In time my heart
Will mend
And you’ll go on
To hurt
Somebody else

But my night vigils
Will be over and
Next time I will
Choose more wisely
Who I love

(Originally published May 4, 2013)

You Should Have Known

You kiss my hand
You hold me close and
Tell me what a fool you are
You say it was a momentary
Madness which is done now
I smile and say that
I forgive you but I am
Not deceived

The men I set to watch you
Tell me you have only
Moved your lover to
Another secret hiding place
Just not so secret as you think

I fear that I shall be compelled
To make an example of you
Not openly of course
No airing of one’s dirty linen
In the cruel light of day

But word will get about that
You no longer have my royal favor
I have moved on and so will
All your so-called friends I fear

Your sudden unexpected death
Will not be the tragedy
It once would have been
Not one to weep for and
To be forgotten in a week

But there will also be that
One small corner of my heart
Which will always miss you

The Coward

I stand watching
The tail lights of
Your plane as they
Vanish into the dark
Wondering why
You looked so sad
When you kissed me

As I turn to leave
I feel a hand on my arm
And hear a young voice
Asking “Ma’am
Is your name Sara?”
When I nod my head
He thrusts a small
Envelope into my hand
Then disappears
Into the crowd

Staring at my name
In your distinctive
Script
I know now why
There were tears
In your eyes
Why you touched
My face so gently

You were saying
Goodbye

I curse you for
The coward
That you are
I will not read
Your letter

Ripped in half
It lies where
You left me and
I step on the pieces
As I walk away

I have already
Forgotten you

Dark Mystery

There’s a thing
I’ve noticed
About beauty ~
It seems the
Moment beauty
Is observed ~
It starts to fade ~

Perhaps it cannot
Withstand ~
The pitiless and
Unending scrutiny ~
Of those who would
Possess it ~
Sully it with
Their greedy hands ~
Their lustful eyes ~

Or perhaps it is
As a wise man said ~
That familiarity
Breeds contempt ~

Maybe it is
Something in our
Human nature ~
That causes us to
Look for flaws ~

Or perhaps we are
Simply grown jaded ~
And must be
Forever on the hunt
For something newer ~
More exciting ~

Or mayhap it is
Simply that there
Is that in us ~
Which would see
Beauty ~
Brought down ~

A Lover’s Prayer

The Parting

At a certain level ~
Pain has a presence of its own ~
This pain breathes into me ~
Without a warning ~ with
No time to prepare ~
And I am caught out ~
With no chance of escape
Or of evasion ~
No way to change the
Certainty in your eyes
Once more to doubt ~
I would have spared you
Had my body not betrayed
Me ~ and I know my heart
Is in my eyes ~
From here on the path
Lies hidden ~ and I cannot
See the stars ~
Will we go on ~
Now that we know
That now is all we have ~
Have we the courage
To live our love to its
conclusion ~
My love that I be blessed
To breathe my last
Here in your arms ~